It has to do with biology (or not?)
by gothica vanessa
Summary: A Pon Farr story without actual sex (yes, I'm probably crazy). Starts soon after Jim comes back from the dead (STID). Unbeta-ed (yet? if you feel like it feel free to volunteer:)). Mostly fluff and silliness. Contains also flashbacks/backstories, and here and there (starting with the title) TOS quotes because I just can't help it :)
1. Chapter 1

**It has to do with biology… or not?**

_AN: The parts between the / / / are memories..._

I. DEPARTURE (SPOCK'S POV)

Jim finally realized he was going to win for the second time in a row. He sighed, shaking his head; but his eyes were warm as they met Spock's.

"You know, you don't have to go soft on me because I'm in a hospital bed."

Spock raised an eyebrow to manifest his candor. It was undeniable that when they had started to play Spock had always won; but Jim by then had just come back to consciousness, and he had proved to be a more than worthy opponent as he had got better. So, even if they were at the moment both not at the best of their abilities (even if Jim didn't know about his own current condition), Jim had won fairly.

Jim didn't seem to believe him though : "Let's just stop before this undeserved victory becomes official; it's nearly time for you to leave anyway. But I expect you to kick my ass tomorrow, all right?"

Spock noticed that the visit hours were coming to an end, indeed. He started to put the chess board and pieces in his bag, and was surprised by the force of his reluctance at leaving.

Spock knew he had to leave - and not only for the night. He had already delayed his departure long enough. His Plak Tow could begin in about 46 Terran hours. He would need at least a third of those hours to reach his secured location, and he had to keep a necessary margin, for delay in his journey or in case The Fever hit him sooner than expected. Indulging once again in a few hours more at Jim's side would therefore not only be most unwise, but even possibly criminal – and the prospect of damaging anyone, and in particular Jim, was not an option Spock wished to see turn into reality.

He had been surprised when the first symptoms had manifested themselves, three Terran days and sixteen Terran hours ago, as he had felt an irrational urge to nerve pinch Doctor Mc Coy while he was simply about to inject a pain-soothing hypo into Jim's shoulder; but as they had kept increasing, Spock had had to admit that he was indeed going through his first Time.

Spock had used to doubt whether his particular genetics would ever be burdened by the Vulcan Time; but knowing his physiology was for the most parts Vulcan, he had nonetheless cautiously and carefully prepared for the occasion - about a year ago, when the Vulcan survivors had realized that Pon Farr could appear before the traditional milestone of 28 years and didn't seem to follow its seven years cycle anymore - and he was ready to face the ordeal on his own terms.

The common belief was that Nature in its wisdom was trying to compensate diminished numbers by augmenting frequency, but Spock, with the new insight of his own experience, had briefly wondered if his Time might be due to the whiplash of emotions he had been through lately - from the dismay at Admiral Marcus's treachery; to the stress of battle; to those horrifying seconds of helplessness by the door of the anti-radiation door - the unmatched and surprisingly even physical pain at Jim's imminent loss and the sudden and undeniable realization of exactly what his Captain had come to mean to him; to the most consuming and shameful rage he had ever felt; to the unexpected yet tangible hope but unyielding worry about 1) if and 2) how the secret serum (even Spock had agreed on the necessity to tamper with reports this time; officially, Jim hadn't died but went into coma – and Spock was confident that none of the few actual witnesses would ever want to reveal the truth) would affect Jim; to his guilt towards Nyota; to the intense relief and utter joy when Jim had not only awoken, but had still been Jim… Spock had never experienced such opposite extremes in such a short time. Even the destruction of Vulcan and the loss of his mother weren't comparative factors: it had been (and still was) devastating, and had thrown him through various stages of grief, guilt, and anger at getting praised while he had in truth failed - but all those feelings had belonged only to the negative side of the spectrum.

It didn't matter though that his Pon Farr (alongside those of his contemporaneous Vulcans?) might have been triggered by emotional unbalance: what was was, and he would have to deal with it. On his own, for everyone's safety.

Spock was sorry to have to disappear without a warning, but he couldn't tell Jim of his plans without lying - and Spock didn't want to lie to Jim, ever; even if for Jim's sake. An omission though, he could live with; so he neglected to answer a question which he knew didn't specifically need one anyway in Jim's point of view and gave Jim the usual short salute he always made before leaving.

"Have a nice evening", Jim simply answered, yawning and stretching some, thankfully unaware of Spock's uneasiness; and the simple goodbye, instead of the litany of thanks or apologies there had used to be a Terran week ago, warmed Spock once more - even through the multiple layers of cold dread and reluctance.

/ / /

"Thank you for coming by", Jim had said the first time. "I really appreciate it. Bones is taking though way too much advantage of Uhura visiting her family. I'll tell him that he doesn't have to make you babysit for me to behave – I can't move a damn muscle yet anyway." (Jim had been chemically restrained shortly after awaking to give a bit more time to his body to recuperate before Jim could try to push it over its limits right away as was his known habit.)

"Captain, I assure you-"

"Whatever. Thank you anyway."

()

"You know, we're off duty right now. You don't have to be a supportive First Officer making sure his Captain doesn't lose it from boredom while stuck in a biobed…"

"Captain, my presence here is not-"

"All right. I just wanted you to be aware of it."

()

"He, I finally made it to the toilets five steps away from that damn bed on my own. So, I told Bones that I should then get out of IC as he had promised, and I told him I wanted a roommate, so, you know, you shouldn't feel obligated anymore to entertain me in your free time." (Spock, when it had become certain that Jim would be out of danger and as Doctor Mc Coy had hinted that Jim would never get any rest if Spock stayed constantly at his side, had agreed to help again at the Academy – there were no classes yet due to the rebuilding but he was giving the last corrections to two new manuals before they went to printing.)

"My free time, as you say, is mine to use as I wish, and I do not consider keeping you company a waste of it; unless you do not appreciate my being here, of course."

The shock on Jim's suddenly pale face had been heartwarming: "What? Please tell me this was just a rhetorical question, because if I gave you the wrong impression-"

Spock allowed himself to give Jim a half smile: "It was." Then, straightening up to finally leave: "Do you happen to play chess?"

"Actually, I do. It's been years though since I last played 3D. So be warned: I will make a poor opponent." There had definitely been challenge in the glint of his eyes nevertheless.

()

It had been the last time Jim had thanked him for coming over or apologizing for his current state; not only finally trusting fully Spock's sincerity, but even more, simply expecting his return the following day as something as predictable as the rise of the sun in the morning. Somehow, it had felt very satisfactory.

The roommate had been sent home 3 Terran days later, and most of the injured having by now left the hospital, no replacement had come.

And then, four Terran days later, his Pon Farr had begun...

/ / /

The thought that no matter his thorough preparations it might well be the last time he would see Jim suddenly sliced through Spock, and he couldn't help but turn back and raise his hands in the Ta'al as he reached the door.

"Live long and prosper, Captain."

Jim eyed him in mid-stretch, obviously surprised by the solemnity of the gesture and/or the greeting, and Spock feared he might have given too much away. Then Jim apparently decided that there was nothing that much out of place with his always solemn Vulcan First Officer being solemn anyway and simply smiled at him, raising his hand in a mirroring gesture : "You too, Spock."

Spock finally left the room, still feeling guilty, but grateful to have been graced with a true blinding warm smile as possible last memory of his Captain.

He fetched the two bags he had left by the depository and caught the first shuttle available to leave the city. Once seated, he took out his padd and set the settings for the automatic sending of the three messages he had prepared: one to the Academy, with the last and final corrections for the manuals and the notice that he would be unavailable, at best, for the coming period of eight Terran days due to Vulcan related necessities; one to Jim, programmed to be sent the next day, five Terran minutes before the start of the visiting hours; and another to Jim, programmed to be sent over seven Terran days (if he was not able to delete it before) containing his location, for retrieval.

There was no notification for his Father. Spock was for now still able (thanks to the great distance between planets) to control the degree of what went through the parental bond, but he did not expect his control to last while under Plak Tow. His Father would know soon enough of his condition, and of his success or failing at going through it. Kaiidth.

Spock put his padd back into the bag and went through his plans one last time, ensuring he had not forgotten anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**It has to do with biology... (or not?)**

II. WORRY (JIM'S POV)

The beeping around him was accelerating..._ Calm down! Breathe and calm the fuck down, before Bones rushes here and knocks you out with one of his hypos!_

Spock was in trouble; the last thing Jim wanted right now was to be sedated, huh. He focused on his breathing and thankfully got the readings back to normal.

Jim had read the message on his padd's screen thrice, and had liked it less and less with each try.

"Captain,

I apologize for not being able to come over this afternoon, nor for the coming five Terran days, due to unexpected circumstances I have no control over but which demand my instant and undivided attention – answering messages or calls will also be impossible, unfortunately. You will hear from me though after such a period has passed. I have joined a few mathematical puzzles and chess problems for you to enjoy during my absence. I hope you will find them satisfactory.

Peace and long life."

There was of course no signature of any kind, the identity of the author clear enough from the sending address.

It should have been heartwarming to notice how much closer they clearly were nowadays than merely months ago, even through the usual, seemingly cold, factual tone of the short note. But Jim had only felt his blood run cold. The absence of any plain explanation for such a sudden disappearance, added to the insistence about his helplessness in the matter, had Jim worried - and worse, after a flash of Spock's goodbye from the day before hit his memory: sure that his worry was valid. His guts were telling him with even more certitude at each reread of the message that Spock was in trouble - and Jim would never be able to sit through five days just waiting, even with equations to solve (seriously, how could Spock have ever believed that this would be enough to placate him?); no way.

Jim didn't think Spock's mysterious absence was linked to his father or Uhura: Spock would have mentioned it – sure, he was private and all that; but he was never actually secretive. Jim had to check though, to be sure.

It was still (but just) a decent hour to contact Nyota so Jim called her first, pretending he had just been thinking about her because he was busying himself with Federation crosswords and had to 'find' the word for 'star' in Swahili. She was definitely her usual self, and after chatting for about five minutes, Jim was pretty sure Spock's disappearance wasn't related to her.

So Jim went to check on Sarek.

/ / /

The Vulcans held an online portal where every citizen could be registered (if they wished to) and would periodically let their current occupation and location known, so that an available expert for whatever kind of project the installation on New Vulcan required would be found easily when needed. The Ambassador (Jim played along in public, of course, but he didn't like to refer to him privately as 'Selek'; and it felt weird to call him 'Spock' – hence the defining capitals at his function) had granted Jim with access codes (a honor and huge sign of trust only a few non Vulcan had the privilege to share) soon after it had been launched, so that Jim could be able to locate and contact him if ever needed - even as he had repeated again his vow about not interfering with this universe, of course.

No one else knew Jim could enter the portal. For safety reasons, obviously, and also because Jim knew how much Vulcans valued privacy. He hadn't even told Spock yet – not that he didn't trust him or thought that Spock would have a problem with it at all though; it had just never came up. And the only contact Jim kept there was The Ambassador.

To tell the truth though, the first time that Jim had logged in, he had looked up if Spock had opened an account too.

He had typed 'Spock' in the search field and had discovered exactly how common a first name 'Spock' was (87 entries – none including The Ambassador, of course), and what 'his' Spock(s) actual clan name was. Jim liked the fact that he was able to Vulcan write it now, even if he would never dare to transcribe it into Standard or pronounce it without having first learned firsthand from one Spock how it should in fact be pronounced - Jim had used to find the fact that Vulcans were addressed only by their function and first name somehow irreverent (if humans could say 'schtroumpfs' or 'superfragilisticexpialidocious' or whatever, they could learn to pronounce Vulcan names right too); but he had learned at the Academy that it had been actually a demand from the Vulcans soon after First Contact, and had concluded that it probably felt more irreverent to a Vulcan to have his clan name mispronounced than not pronounced at all (which was why he would never utter Spock's name out loud).

Anyway, when he had clicked on 'his' Spock page, Jim had been in awe to see how much Spock seemed to be doing for the Colony. Not that he was surprised that anyone would seek Spock's advice – the 'man' (for lack of a better word, because Jim didn't like the word 'humanoid' – why should every biped in the universe be named after us? – and Spock was at least half one, genetically…) was literally a genius, not only by human standards but by Vulcan's too, and that really meant something. But the amount of topics, trends and torrents, even if Jim couldn't actually read them (every link on a private page was password protected; and even if they hadn't been: Jim's Vulcan wasn't very good yet. He managed some (and could guess some more, especially if it was computer related) and he had sworn to himself that he would actually learn it to a decent level, if only by respect for his First Officer, but he hadn't yet found the time for more than the two first lessons in the beginner's manual he had purchased) was simply astonishing. When did Spock find the time for all this work, as a surplus to his already heavy tasks as First Officer, Science Officer, and Academy Member? It must be the truth then, that Vulcans didn't need much sleep…

Jim though had closed the page right away, and had never opened it again since. Again, he knew how much Vulcans valued their privacy, and he didn't want to pry into Spock's life - no matter how curious he was nor how fascinating Spock was to him.

So, Jim had only used the portal until now to chat with The Ambassador once in a while. Actually, Jim had more contact with Spock's counterpart than Spock himself (which was understandable, because it must feel weird – talking to yourself, for real?) He had even shortly communicated with him this very morning; so he knew he was all right and couldn't be the reason for Spock's absence.

The old Vulcan held a special place in his heart, even if Jim knew they didn't know each other enough to be, in fact, friends. He supposed it had something to do with him saving his life - playing thus also a part in saving Earth - which both called at the least for eternal gratitude, and forced his respect; and/or with the fact that the mysterious man, just like Christopher Pike, had appeared to truly believe in him, even without knowing him – a rare feat which only made Jim work to be worthy of such a trust; and/or with the fact that, during the 'information transfer', he had undeniably felt so many things at the background - and even if Jim still couldn't actually identify what he had felt, he had recognized it, whatever it was, to be strong and somehow painful, so Jim simply wanted to soothe it a bit, unable to even begin to imagine how it must feel, to be lost in another universe, apart from everything and everyone one had ever known and cared for; and/or with the simple fact that it was Spock – another Spock of course, but still, Spock, intrinsically - and maybe Jim couldn't care for one of them without caring for the other too).

/ / /

But now the portal would come in handy. Jim just knew Sarek must have a page, and found it quickly. Spock's father had answered on three topics in the last hour, so Jim believed he must be fine indeed. Jim searched also the Federation News, in case, but nothing particular came up either.

Jim, as a last resource, made an exception to his own rule and went to Spock's page, in case there would be some kind of notification there. But what he found only exacerbated his anxiety: Spock had turned the contact button off.

Jim then quickly analyzed what his other options were and made his battle plan.

First, Jim checked if Spock had boarded any inter-planets flights since leaving the evening before (hacking into the passenger's lists took time but wasn't a feat for someone with his computer skills).

He came out blank; and for the first time since he had read Spock's message, Jim felt some relief. He knew Spock would be able to travel under a false identity if necessary; but, knowing him, it would be his very last choice - and so, for the time being, Jim decided that it was most probable that Spock was still on Earth (and that he would freak out even more if it turned out not to be so, but_ later_, not now). And if Spock was still on Earth, then Jim should be able to locate him, and fast, thanks to The Enterprise's sensor scans (Jim knew from the first report on his Ship's status and necessary repairs that those hadn't been damaged during 'The Marcus Crisis').

Jim had made a quick research on the academic xenobiology server, targeting for the most obvious Vulcan trademark properties he could find, and had decided that temperature must be the fastest way to locate Spock: there were after all probably not that much Vulcans on Earth nowadays, and there weren't many other races with the same temperature range as them. It was definitely a good place to start.

So Jim contacted Scotty (he knew his Chief Engineer barely left 'his lady', especially at such dire times as repairs), told him that there was an emergency involving Spock and that he needed him to start searching for planetside's people-sized vitals fitting within a margin from 32°C to 35°C, as widely as he could (the repairs docks were sub-orbit high, so the scans range would be shorter than usual, meaning they would need more time to scan the whole surface - so better start as soon as possible).

Scotty, resourceful and understanding his end goal as always, told him then that he was confident that they were nearly done with the transport room repairs (Jim knew it was a priority, because it facilitated the transport of whatever material that might be needed for the repairs, but he actually went 'Yes' to the air nonetheless; he hadn't been counting on the possibility of beaming so soon in the repairs and had been ready for any way of travelling which would have been necessary - but beaming would definitely be the fastest way to reach any destination) and that he would arrange for a 'Fleet approved beaming test period in the coming hours (for security reasons, nothing nor no one could be beamed up to or down from the repairs docks without an authorization and its consequential local lowering of shields).

The next logical step then was to escape from the hospital. A nurse had come by while he was searching through the xenobiology library, and his most unflinching guard was currently buildings away (Bones had told him during their morning chat that he had meetings planned at The Academy by the middle of the afternoon); so Jim knew he had some time unchecked. He scribbled a quick note for Bones, telling him that 'he had a good reason to leave' and that 'he would contact him asap', then went for it.

He regretted that it would cause Bones to worry; but he had simply no other choice. First, Jim believed there was no time to lose, so he just couldn't wait for Bones to come back. Also, Bones would never agree to have him leave to start with; and, after precious minutes of convincing Jim thought unwise to chance, he would insist on going with him - and Jim doubted Spock would appreciate yet another witness to his problems (Jim believed himself to be an unwelcome witness too, but his guts – again, yes; but he had learned to rely on them – were telling him that 'someone' should do something; so it might just as well be him, as he both wasn't committed to anything right now, and had the means to act).

It turned out to be more exhausting than he had expected (Bones was proved right: Jim wasn't yet back in shape, sadly) but Jim successfully made it out of the building and took a taxi to the deposit where all his possessions were stored while on mission (they had of course by now got quarters assigned for the repairs duration; but for security reasons only the owner could normally take belongings off deposit, and, as Jim hadn't been able to move in his quarters yet, all his clothes (apart from the few comfy clothes Bones, as his CMO, had been allowed to retrieve), particularly his uniforms, were still at the deposit). Once there, Jim freshened up and changed into one of his grey uniform - he had to look the part he was about to play. Then, after a longing look to the motor he knew he wasn't ready yet to ride, he went to take another taxi to the Northern American Space Docks, where he knew The Enterprise was being repaired. He announced himself, flashed a few smiles, told he had come to see how The Enterprise's repairs were going, went to the various obligatory stages of security to prove his ID, and then was allowed to proceed. Scotty had contacted him during the taxi ride; the beaming tests were authorized, and the first tests were going smoothly. Now, he only needed the sensors to beep…


	3. Chapter 3

It has to do with biology… or not?

**III. THE CAVE **

Jim notified Scotty that he was successfully transported down, told him to stand by, took a look at his surroundings and then took out a tricorder - Scotty had told him that it seemed this search result was somehow below surface level (but of course he had to be beamed down at surface level not to risk rematerializing in a stone wall), so Jim had to find an entrance somewhere, but he couldn't see any with his naked eyes.

The Enterprise's sensors had found two results to the required search. Jim had selected this one as the most probable to be Spock, even though this source temperature was quite higher than the common Vulcan temperature of 32.78°C (91°F) whereas the other source was merely 0.05°C hotter than the norm, for three reasons : 1) additional scans showed the targeted person to be alone; 2) the signal came from a desertic area, and the Grand Canyon might be one of the closest places on Earth to Vulcan-that-was conditions; and 3) Spock's own temperature might be higher than other Vulcans, as he was half human (which was why Jim had taken such a wider up margin in his search to start with). But Jim had to find out as quickly as possible if he had chosen right…

After some pacing around, the tricorder finally signaled a difference in the ground composition, and Jim uncovered a small wooden trapdoor, hidden under dried grass that had been attached to it. It was sealed shut, and Jim couldn't hear any noise from behind it, so he decided to proceed as unannounced as possible – he had after all no idea of what awaited him, so better apologize for a breach in civilities than to take unnecessary risks. He took out his phaser, burnt a tiny hole in the wood, passed his hand inside and unlocked it.

There was a wiry ladder plunging down into moist darkness, and Jim took it down as quietly as he could. It wasn't long before he reached the ground, and from down there he could see a faint glow, as if some light emanated from the end of the natural tunnel which opened in front of him. There was still only silence around him, and Jim cautiously moved toward the light. His breath stopped when he took the last turn of the short tunnel.

He had fortunately chosen the right option to investigate, because there was one person in the cave, and it was definitely Spock.

But he had unfortunately been right about him being in trouble, because Spock was clearly _chained _to the stone wall, and Jim's heart missed a beat at the sight.

This wasn't what Jim had expected at all - Spock had obviously been aware that he was going to disappear, so the possibility of a kidnapping or such had never crossed Jim's mind. The current situation though could in Jim's view only be explained that way; and it made a lot of sense too, sadly.

After all, Spock was not only Vulcan (and Vulcans were both held in high esteem and a rarity at the time being to start with); he was also one of the only two Vulcan/Human hybrids in the universe (and officially, the only known one). Furthermore, he was renowned in any known quadrant for his actions as a Star Fleet Commander. So, from mad 'collectors' to vindictive enemies of the Federation, there was a whole range of possible suspects for perpetrating such an act. Maybe Spock had been lured into some kind of secret appointment under false pretenses, and had been abducted? The fact that he had thought to be away for several days also gave his captors a secured time frame before people would start wondering about him not coming back as announced...

Jim felt a fierce rush of rage spread through him and worked on tampering it down: he needed to _focus - _whoever was responsible was obviously pretty sure of his own strength, to have acted _on Earth_.

Now even more prudent, Jim scanned the cave they were in. Artificial light was on, and there was apparently no other entrance/exit than the one he had just taken. The furniture was reduced to a mat (where Spock sat on, as if meditating), an old fashioned bathtub, and a cooling unit next to it. Jim still couldn't sense any presence besides Spock's, so he quietly but quickly ran to his First Officer, any eventual pain in his recovering limbs for now definitely numbed by stress.

"Spock!", he whispered as he came within (human - old habits died hard) hear range, "How many are they? Do you know when they plan to come back?"

Spock's eyes flashed open, but somehow lacked their usual resolve as they met Jim's, surprise evident in their depths. "Captain?"

_Shit! He's been drugged! – Well, of course; to take a Vulcan down without a commotion… _

Jim tried to hide the growing panic in his voice and went on somehow gentler: "Spock, please, you have to extend your arms so that I can severe the chains without burni-"

He was cut though by a definitely focused and reproachful "How c-" and couldn't help but groan: "Really? You think now is an appropriate time to worry about regulations? They needed to test the transport room anyway. And your situation more than justifies anything unruly I might have done – which I haven't, mind you. Do you know how much Starfleet has invested in you? They would thank me for saving your ass even if I had to break the whole damn codebook. Now, (trying to move Spock's arms) just help me setting you free and let's get out o-"

"Captain. First, I was merely about to state that you should presently be in a biobed. Then, I wish you would quit trying to get me out of those chains, as I chained myself up with good reasons."

"What?" Jim was sure he was gaping like a fish in disbelief. _Spock had chained himself ?_

* * *

><p><em>AN: I shamelessly quoted The Apple, yeah, but Jim hiding his feelings behind the Federation money always has me going AAAAAWWWWWW. (And <em>_feel free __(I know I did) __to imagine Jim holding for a short while some pinky kind of stalagtite as a possible weapon - YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN if you've ever seen TOS : he has his phaser here and its working so I refrained myself, but yeah I thought about it, and yeah I laughed, you bet.)_


	4. Chapter 4

It has to do with biology… or not?

**IV. Let. Me. Help.**

"Also, it is imperative that you leave and do not come back until four and a half Terran days have passed."

Jim, who still hadn't recover from the initial shock, finally snapped at that: "Jesus, Spock! You chained yourself up in a godforsaken cave! You can't truly expect me to be aware of this fact and just leave you here!? What the devil is this all about?"

Spock inhaled sharply, an oddity in itself, and Jim noted with growing alarm that his hands were clenched fists tight, as if he was refraining himself from snapping back. He answered though quite neutrally (even if not achieving his usual tone) : "I thank you for your concern but I do insist, Captain. I need to be left to rest on my own. I am asking you to accept that answer. Besides, we are currently off-duty; and were we not, as I never deemed necessary to take shore leave on the many occasions you proposed I took one, you know I have accumulated sufficient-"

Jim started to actually shout: "For God's sake, I'm not veto-ing your right to holidays! You're obviously in trouble, so don't compare this to a stroll in a park! I was worried since I got your message, but this surpass any expectation I might have had. So, I don't understand what's going on; but I sure ain't going nowhere without you right now."

Spock looked as if he was actually gritting his teeth in order not to bite - !? - as he resolutely repeated his wish to be left alone: "Captain, I need to be locked away. And I do not wish to be seen. I cannot. No Vulcan could explain further. So ask me no further questions. I will not answer."

Jim played then what felt like his best card, knowing how Spock valued hierarchy: "Spock, you have to explain. Consider that an order."

He was baffled though by Spock's answer : "Captain, there are some things which transcend even the discipline of the service."

Jim's anger dissolved at this, and he found himself simply pleading: "Spock, I'm asking you. Not as your Captain now, but as your friend. What's wrong?"

Spock's shoulders seemed to slump, as if he felt defeated. A moment later, his voice cut the silence, in a tone that broke Jim's heart - barely above a whisper: "If I was to explain my situation, will you then leave as I wish?"

Spock's eyes were soft yet determined, and Jim wasn't sure anymore of the right thing to do, not when Spock seemed so sure of needing to be left alone. Jim actually took some time to consider the request before answering honestly : "I can't promise you anything before knowing what's going on. But I won't leave until you eventually convince me of why I should do so, so you might as well take your chance…"

A moment passed in silence, and Jim pushed: "Spock. I'm trying to help you. So please. Let me help."

And after a beat, Spock started explaining…

_AN: Sorry, I know, this is super short, but I just WANTED to have this as a separate chapter title... Next chapter will be posted soon._


	5. Chapter 5

It has to do with biology... (or not?)

**V. VULCAN BIOLOGY**

Spock met Jim's eyes dead-on: "It is a thing no out-worlder may know except those very few who have been involved. A Vulcan understands, but even we do not speak of it among ourselves."

"Whatever it is, I swear-" Jim was then interrupted by a swift yet embarrassed confession he sensed was supposed to be final and all revealing: "It has to do with biology."

It wasn't making much clearer though: "What?"

"Biology."

"What kind of biology?"

"Vulcan biology."

"You mean the biology of Vulcans?" Spock nodded, turning somehow a slight shade greener as if he was blushing, and Jim believed he had finally grasped the concept hinted at: "Biology as in reproduction?" Another nod, conveying more relief than embarrassment this time.

Jim though couldn't see how such a basic aspect of life should be so hush-hush: "Well, that is not exactly a secret. Of course Vulcans do the deed, just like us and the birds and the bees and any living creature who doesn't multiply by splitting itself to perpetrate its race". And more importantly, Jim couldn't see the logic link with Spock's current situation: "It still doesn't explain why you are chained to a stone wall?"

Spock kind of shuddered - another out of character and alarming sign Jim didn't miss. "The birds and the bees are not Vulcans, Captain. And you have no conception of how we are affected; what it means for creatures as proudly logical as us to have their logic utterly ripped from them, for days. It is the Pon Farr. The time of mating. It strips our minds from us. It brings a madness which rips away our veneer of civilization. I had hoped I would be spared this, but the ancient drives are just too strong."

Jim processed this new piece of information and gave it the only sense it could make in the context they were in – in a cave hidden in the middle of a desertic area – relief going through him, if this was simply about _that_…

"So… You mean you fear you'd get too horny and you don't want to risk hitting on another girl before Uhura gets here? Well, that's probably a wise mov-"

Jim suddenly remembered the absence of any large comfortable bed or at least mattress in the cave; which Spock would surely never had omitted if only for Uhura's sake if he had actually planned a multiple days long sex marathon, right... Which could only mean: "But she has no idea of what's happening to you?!"

Spock seemed now kind of sad and didn't correct him; and it both sliced through Jim like a knife and brought the panic back at the forefront of his mind...

_AN: I know, shamelessly quoting Amok Time all over the last two chapters... but I just LOVE those scenes :) and it IS the canon on which all PF stories are built on after all._


	6. Chapter 6

It has to do with biology... (or not?)

**VI. NYOTA (SPOCK'S POV)**

Jim had mentioned Nyota and Spock hadn't been able not to internally cringe. He still felt guilt over the last time he had seen her.

/ / /

It was 38 Terran hours and 24 Terran minutes after Dr Mc Coy had inoculated Jim with the Khan's blood based serum. Spock hadn't left Jim's side since; he just couldn't.

It was only though when he noticed Nyota's presence in the doorway that he suddenly truly realized for how long he had been there, standing and staring at Jim, and how he hadn't in that time even once thought about Nyota, nor less contacted her. Suddenly, Spock realized he felt something he had never felt before in his life : he felt not only guilty; he felt ashamed.

She seemed sad. Her eyes were only soft though as they met his as she entered the room, a bag thrown on her shoulder. Her voice too was soft as she nodded towards Jim, asking simply "How is he?"

"Stabilized and stable. His vitals are still low, but they are now regular. Dr Mc Coy estimates it to be a good sign."

(Silence, as they probably both pondered on the possibility of the serum not working, but were both unwilling to mention it aloud in case it would make it happen)

"I brought you clothes. I went with Doc when he went to retrieve some for the Captain, and after some persuasion and several ID checks they finally agreed to let me pick two sets of clothes out of one box they brought – I just knew you would have all your boxes marked with their content… No meditation robe though, sorry; I was only allowed one box."

"Nyota," he started, unsure of what he wanted to say at the moment but knowing he should say something.

She cut him though, in her imperative tone he knew was not to dismiss: "I'll stay with him while you freshen up. Trust me, Vulcan biology or not, you seriously need it now."

And sensing that she wouldn't participate in any kind of conversation until he relented, Spock simply decided to take the bag she had set at his feet and went to the adjacent bathroom.

When he reemerged 4.3 Terran minutes later, the door of the room was shut, and Nyota was seated in a chair she had placed next to the bed, eyeing Jim protectively.

"You were right about the benefits of a shower. Thank you."

She nodded, her eyes not leaving Jim's face.

"So. It's him, huh. He's the one, for you."

At any other time, Spock would have asked for further clarification at such a phrasing. But right now, he knew exactly what Nyota meant, and that she was right, no matter the definition she would infer to her statement. She had seen him cry; which was quite a statement in itself, but which had happened before and which he would have done over her too without a doubt. But worse, and undeniably telltaling, she had seen him _losing control_. Even his mother's death hadn't broken him in such a way...

He was surprised that she apparently wished to have this much needed conversation here and not in some more personal setting. He couldn't help but be grateful though, because that way he was still able to monitor Jim's condition – which Nyota probably knew : she was just indulging him. Spock felt even more undeserving of her affection. But he would never lie to her.

"It appears to be so."

Spock truly loved Nyota, and he was attracted to her. Yet, what he felt for Jim - even if different than what he felt for Nyota, and even if unprecedented in his life and honestly puzzling – was, undeniably, MORE: Jim was _vital_, intrinsically vital, Spock had realized the moment he had thought he was going to lose him forever...

Spock's voice turned imploring without him noticing as he continued, willing Nyota to believe his blindness and innocent naivety: "I swear I did not know."

Her eyes finally caught his again, and the honest warmth that still flowed from them even after such final a confession amazed him. "I know you didn't. In retrospect though, I should have understood it long ago. There was to be a reason after all for why you always would open up more easily in a conversation if I involved the Captain."

"Well, I do not understand it. I do cherish you; that has not and will never change. We were the most logical match."

Nyota smiled sadly at him. "We were, indeed. But love, Spock? Love doesn't HAVE to be logical, and it rarely is. It comes in many forms, but it is as it is. Kaiidth."

She was right, of course.

"I am sorry."

"Don't be. I don't blame you, nor him. Feelings can't be forced; nor neglected. It hurts, of course, because I do love you, Spock. I loved you before we got together, and I probably always will. But I love you enough to want you to follow your heart. And I should love myself enough to want to be in a relation in which both parties feel that the other one is the most important in their life. So, in the end, it is better that we realized this before eventually bonding. Besides, at least – even if I would never have thought that I would mean those words even less than two years ago – the Captain is a good man. And I know he actually values you right as much as you should be valued."

Her words held some finality, and Spock couldn't help but worry: "Nyota-"

"I'll be fine, Spock. We'll be fine. I'm gonna use some of the spare time we have due to the repairs to visit my family; I haven't seen them in ages. But I will come back to our ship."

She pressed a hand to his right arm reassuringly, then started to move towards the door. She turned back to him before reaching it.

"Let me know when he awakes." Spock found some new strength in the fact that she hadn't use 'if'. "And please, use the chair, at least. A shower is magical, but a bit of sleep wouldn't be luxury either. Any change in those beeps would awake you, you know it would. And you know he would tell you the same. So take care of you, Spock - for him and for me if not for you. Ok?"

She expected an answer, so he nodded; and she left.

/ / /

For the reader's information, Spock did finally sit on the chair; at nights. He did not sleep though. He was Vulcan and could do without for Terran days. He would recuperate after. _After._

It had taken 3 more Terran days for Jim's vitals to start getting better. Spock had hesitated several times in that interval upon the benefits of trying to meld with Jim's mind to lure it back to consciousness. He hadn't. Theoretically, he knew as a Vulcan that it was most efficient to let the body recuperate on his own terms and at his own rate – those were the basics of the Vulcan healing trance; and he knew human doctors sometimes induced coma on their patient too for the same reason. To be honest though, Spock had wondered if he wasn't attempting a meld simply because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to find Jim inside; or worse, that he would find someone else…


	7. Chapter 7

It has to do with biology... (or not?)

**VII. REVELATIONS (1/2)**

_( / / / = change in POV)_

Jim was still waiting for an answer to his last question. Spock would have preferred not to have to explain any of it, but he knew he just had to. Jim _had _to leave. And the frightening truth might be the only way to persuade him to do so.

"I indeed decided about eighteen Terran months ago to face my first Time, if it ever came, on my own. The Vulcan mating time is known to be quite violent, even when only Vulcans are involved... I would never wish to harm anyone, let alone one I care for."

Jim seemed nonplussed. "Spock!? I know you're way stronger than any of us, so I think I get your concern; but seriously? You would never hurt Nyota."

Jim had used her first name, something he normally never did, and Spock understood that it was a way to emphasize how close Spock was to her. "Sadly, your confidence in such a fact is based on fallacious beliefs, and it would be ill-advised for me to share it, even if I lacked the hindsight gained through recent events."

Spock couldn't help but averting his eyes. _Dead._ He had wanted Khan _dead_. _By his own hands_. The deep shame he felt for having ever entertained such a new and shocking thought, as one who aspired to value and respect life in all its possible forms, didn't change the fact though. And if he hadn't been able to refrain from such a vile urge while 'simply' emotionally compromised, how could he ever hope to fare well under the flames of his Plak Tow?

It only lasted an instant though before he met Jim's eyes again to give him the evidently much needed shortened lesson in Vulcan history: "In the times preceding our adoption of Surak's teachings, we Vulcans used to be a violent race; our history seems to be an interminable spilling of blood in wars between clans. Yet, even those events seem to pale in comparison to the violence of Pon Farr. The old chronicles are full of mentions of fights to the death, either between candidates or between a male going through his Time and anyone who came between him and the partner he had chosen to bond with… Multiple rapes; unwilling partners dismembered in fits of rage; entire families decimated… Even children, Captain…"

/ / /

Jim, even with the memory of Spock's hand around his neck, truly had difficulties imagining Vulcans ever acting as violently as Spock depicted; but Spock was looking at his own hands with a clear (!) mix of distrust and disgust - as if those were actually capable of committing such atrocities - and Jim _ached_. He had to do something about it, even if it meant reopening other wounds.

"Spock, come on… Don't you think it is a possibility that whoever wrote those chronicles might have been exaggerating? I mean…"

Jim was bracing himself to pursue, but Spock, who had of course perfectly understood where he was headed, beat him to it.

"You wish to refer to my mother. But the situation of my parents was very different. First, my father was older than I am now when my parents got together, and he had already passed the first four Pon Farrs which are generally the strongest. Then, more importantly, my parents were bonded; and such a bond serves then as the most effective protection. To start with, on a practical level, such a connection allows the male undergoing his Time to feel when he is dangerously hurting his bonded; and then, even while incapable of processing any thought, the male would instinctively react in order to correct the situation: Vulcans are by nature very protective of their bonds, as a strong bond being damaged, or worse ended, will always cause them harm."

Jim could hardly grasp how much he was learning - it felt like a Russian puppet: every time Spock revealed something, there seemed to be another layer related to it. And no matter the gravity of the situation at hand, Jim couldn't help but be fascinated (even if he felt guilty about the kind of stolen vibe of Spock's confessions, and couldn't help but dread how worrying it was if Spock felt necessary to lay bare so much to convince him to leave).

It was common knowledge that Vulcans were touch telepaths; and Jim had both witnessed and felt firsthand how his Spocks could 'meld'. But Jim had never heard about 'a bond' – which made sense, as it seemed to be a very private Vulcan matter. If he understood Spock right though, it was a mental link; strong enough to connect people even when they were not touching; physical enough to bring _harm_, in Spock's words, when severed; and which could be formed with other species, at least with humans.

Jim couldn't help but wonder in passing about how such a 'bond' worked and felt (he would have probably asked at least fifty questions if this had been a classroom) – particularly, right now, he really wanted to know if those bonds were only between mates or if there were bonds of several kinds… especially family bonds; because he knew how much Spock had been and probably still was affected by his mother's death, and he couldn't help but fear now the possible _physical_ repercussions on Spock's mind. Again, Spock had said _harm_; and Jim had difficulties moving past that word…

You bet Jim took the oath right there and then to work on his Vulcan - both actual and ancient - right the moment this whole crisis would be over, in order to be able to read on anything Vulcan from the original sources and learn as much as possible about 'Vulcanity'; because what if there were other possibilities yet for Spock to come into trouble simply because of his genetic and cultural heritage? He knew Bones had made sure by their first mission to have blood, skin and tissues samples from all the crew, in order to be able to quickly synthetize any type which might be needed, so the basic dangers were as covered as they could be. But what about all the other possible threats?

For now though, Jim shut both his concern and his fascination down to focus strictly on the matter at hand.

"And you and Nyota aren't bonded." It was not a question.

"We are not. And before you suggest that we might as well bond now that my Time has hit (Jim shut his mouth shut), let me inform you that it would not be a viable option anyway, as it would require time for the bond to get strong enough, as humans are generally untrained in any kind of telepathy; time that I do not presently have, even if I would have been willing to attempt it - which I am not. A Vulcan bond is meant to be for life, and shouldn't be created simply for practicality; it is after all the reason why I wished for Nyota to have a sufficient amount of time before even considering such a decision – which obviously was the right thing to do, as we finally decided to terminate our romantic association."

Jim couldn't help but blurt out. "You two broke up?" Jim would have never believed those two would ever part. Spock was of course (one of) the (two) most humane Vulcan in history, and Uhura was probably the most 'vulcany' Human to have ever existed. They just made sense together… Concern then hit Jim like a brick once more, knowing how much Spock, being Vulcan, must have loved Uhura to actually get into a relationship to start with: "Oh my – Are you- "

Spock seemed to take the way his eyes might have gone out of their sockets once more (what a day, really!) as worry over the consequences for his crew, because he cut him mid-sentence: "We both decided that continuing our romantic relationship would not be fulfilling for any of us. But Nyota and I still cherish each other. We will have no troubles serving together on The Enterprise."

Jim wasn't sure what to do with such a statement. "That wasn't exactly my first concern, but it's nice to know; I guess..."

Spock then went back to the situation at hand, in a resolute manner that left no space for further delay: "In any way, Captain, what is, is. I am bondless, and as such potentially a lethal weapon soon to be activated."

Jim couldn't let Spock talk about himself in such a way: "Spock!"

Spock though didn't even acknowledged the interruption. "I had hoped my human heritage would counteract my ability to enter Pon Farr, and I still hope it might at least reduce its effects in some way. But, as this is my first Time, and as I do not know how strongly it will affect me, I am asking you once more to leave me alone, and expect you to finally respect my demand."

And that's when Jim saw a way out: "We could ask The Ambassador! He would know-"


	8. Chapter 8

**It has to do with biology… or not?**

REVELATIONS (2/2)

_( / / / = change in POV)_

And that's when Jim saw a way out: "We could ask The Ambassador! He would know-"

But Spock cut him again (another proof if needed about how not Spock-like he was behaving at the moment, Jim couldn't miss to notice): "It would be an unnecessary breach of privacy. As Vulcan wasn't destroyed in his universe, my counterpart would have had help, if needed, from his T'Pring."

/ / /

Speaking her name evoked both warmth and sadness, and Spock briefly wondered if this feeling was what humans called 'melancholia'. He could see her vividly in his memory, a kaleidoscope of her face from her youth to the last time he had seen her…

The sudden break of the bond with his mother had temporarily occulted the break shortly after of his bond with T'Pring, but when he had realized that she was also gone, he had sincerely mourned for her too.

They had met at 7, a short time before the ceremony, but Spock had right away liked her. The most astonishing though had been that she had liked him too. Unlike all his peers, she saw his human heritage as something valuable instead of a weakness; her belief in IDIC wasn't only theorical, it was genuine.

They didn't see each other that often, but they quite regularly talked through their bond.

After their kiss ceremony, while they walked in his mother's garden, he had sensed her growing hesitation about sharing something to him, and had quietly urged her on. She had then confessed that she truly appreciated him but that she hoped to be a mother one day, and he had simply nodded his understanding (they couldn't know for sure before his first Time hit, but Spock knew how as a hybrid he might be infertile) and sworn acceptance.

When they were 17, she had met Stonn. Spock had never met him, but he could feel how much she loved him. He had asked her once if she wished to break their bond, but she had categorically refused: 1) She didn't wish to part, even when Spock would meet someone to bond with 2) And if she remained his only bonded she would be there for him if his Time ever hit. Spock had objected that Stonn might not agree with her decision but she had counteracted that 1) it would be illogical to endanger him while it was in her power to help 2) Stonn as a Vulcan should and would simply accept that fact 3) there were few chances that children might be conceived anyway 4) and if it should happen, then they should all be only happy about it – even Stonn would love the child, as he loved her, and it would be hers. Her logic was flawless.

She had been happy for him when he had gotten involved with Nyota - especially about the fact that what he felt for Nyota was of the same strength as what she felt for Stonn. She had sensed his fears though and had repeated her vows. Spock had told her that he would discuss it with Nyota first, if it ever became necessary. They still had years before His Time came anyway.

Then Vulcan had been destroyed, and her light had disappeared along their home. And Spock had turned even more protective of the only woman still in his life, and had decided to face his Time, should it come, on his own.

/ / /

See? There it happened again, the Russian puppet effect… Jim had absolutely no idea who Spock was now talking about : "T'Pring?"

Spock met his eyes again and explained, a surprising fondness evident in his voice: "Our betrothed. Since Surak's ways were adopted, Vulcans are bonded when they reach 7 years of age in order to minimalize the risks related to Pon Farr."

Jim wasn't sure he was hearing things right and blurted out: "You arrange marriages between 7 years old kids ?!"

Spock didn't even raise one eyebrow at the tone. He simply clarified: "Not exactly. It is merely a safety option, to ensure no one has to get through his Time alone. It makes also sure the bond has enough time to mature enough even between individuals who do not pass a lot of time together. It is of course legally possible for one or both parties to have the bond removed between the age of 7 and adulthood. It rarely happens though, even when one finds a more suitable mate who takes priority over the initial bond. Breaking a bond is harmful, and as such, illogical. T'Pring and I for example stayed bonded after she met Stonn and I Nyota."

But the bond ultimately got severed anyway, Jim couldn't help but add mentally. Which meant that Spock had in fact lost _two_ bonds alongside his world. That Spock had been _harmed_ twice…

Spock failed to notice his once more growing worry and was implacably back to his original plea before Jim could even blink: "But speaking of the past does not change the present, and now that you know why I should be left alone, I do not think it wise for you to further delay your departure."

Jim didn't like it. Thinking of leaving Spock here on his own right now made him cringe. But Spock had explained his reasons; and they all were valid.

"I suppose most of us still overlook the fact that even Vulcans aren't indestructible and occasionally need their rest."

"Nevertheless, and as proved by recent history, we are not; and we do."

Jim's shoulders finally slumped in defeat: "I haven't heard a word you've said, and I understand what you expect of me."

Jim worked on tampering down his last reluctance at the obvious relief in Spock's simple answer: "Thank you, Captain."

He was going to turn away when his mind screamed something at him, something which he couldn't ignore: "One last thing though, Spock. What will happen to you?"

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / /

AN:

Short note on Vulcans rites in my head: the bonding at 7 is canon; the ceremony kiss around 14 is mine, because of Saavik and 'teenage Spock' (he is WAYYYY too young by then in TSFS to have actual sex, right ? Just let me live in my head, I like it there). And I know my T'Pring might seem quite different but well, other universe and all... i don't think she's that much ooc though, because she's still VERY logical - she just looks at things from another perspective :)


End file.
